We play different roles or should I say the I plays different roles.
The trouble starts when the I takes over you or blinds you totally.Some of you might say, whats wrong with that .It might look like something that isn't worth spending time to dwell upon.
This is perhaps the single largest reason for relationships to fail .Am not only talking about relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend(which we love discussing and arguing) .This includes parents and children or brothers and sisters ,it also affects the relationship between countries.
The I gets associated with the surrounding things so intimately that it fails to comprehend what they actually are .To make it more clear , lets take a child and a toy car he loves playing with.The boy is so passionate about his car , and if he looses the car he starts crying .The I in the boy has such profound relationship with the car ,that when the car is lost.It is as though a part of the I is lost .The pain in loosing the car , stays until the I disassociates itself from the car .This is no ways less in grown ups ,in fact it gets worse .At least children, if you give the same type of car again , they are content.
There are people(including me) who are sentimental about lots of things .My first mobile or my first bike or my first car .The I is so attached to this favourite object of ours .Even if the car is worth a lakh and we don't mind spending more than it , just to keep it running .Always dreading something might happen .We come across people who sometimes don't use a particular object,fearing that it would get dirty or old destroying the very purpose of the object.
You might think that this has got nothing to do with relationships.It has everything to do with it.
Lets take a husband -wife scenario.Trouble starts when one of them gets so intimately connected .The I in the husband gets so associated ,that he gets possessive .The decisions which the wife usually takes herself ,is also taken by the husband and the important thing about this is, more often than not, he does not realise this(by the way I just gave husband as an example , quite the opposite nowadays i guess) .One I starts imposing itself on the other I .It reaches a point where it is a tussle between the I 's of 2 persons resulting in a bad relation.
This holds true for parents sometimes. There are people who take mentor ship of their children very seriously , which is good.But sometimes they get so involved with it , that the I in them cannot cease to disassociate with the children .What this ends up is the mother or father starts taking decisions.This is done almost totally unconsciously.The I takes over and says , you are still my child and I know what is best for you.The I has a major part of itself in the child .When the parent tries to let go of the child ,he or she feels as if a part of the I is lost with the child .
Politicians have used and will continue to exploit this aspect of the I(they are not intelligent enough to be aware of it).They target a certain community , state or country .This includes right from the Kashmir issue to the Cauvery issue.When an issue is addressed to the community .The I's of every member of the community are involved collectively and this gives an opportunity for their I to associate something very big .They feel belonged to the group.As soon as anything (positive or negative) is told to the group .The I of the individuals gets affected correspondingly .This is taken advantage of some politicians for their own personal needs .In this case to get the support (votes) .In most cases ,the core issue is not addressed.People have politicised it to a level ,that the core issues have become secondary, and the hatred towards the other community has become the priority.
The I in us, so cleverly crept behind believing that it represents the community, is completely blind to the actual truth.Out of all of us who support India in the Kashmir issue , am pretty sure that there would be very few , who know the ground reality.We are in others words just possessive , even to the extent that we don't care what happens to the people of Kashmir.The thought of letting go Kashmir is more pain full that the though of its people suffering .We are totally unconscious of this because of the I.The very agenda is lost and all is left is hatred towards the other country.
The awareness of this during every action , decision making or thinking , brings about the disassociation of the I , making it a lot easier for us and the people around us (especially your loved ones).
