I wish I can re-live my school days or some special momment.Immediately for a few seconds ,our facial expression changes as if we are really there .We experience the joy ,but invariably , it ends in a bit of pain .Pain knowing that the momment is no longer yours .Most of the time , through each stage of life .There are some people whom we hate .We say." i hope that brat gets what he deserves .He did such a terrible thing . I shall never forgive him ".
Some of us dont stop there ."Hope some one does something even worse to him .He/she will get hit by a lorry and die ",curses are endless.Irony is ,invariably there is nothing dramatic that happens to the cursed(i hope so , incase i am in this list) .
When we ask ourselves , the names of our greatest friends .Images of close friend and family flash in our mind and incase we ask the same about emenies .Chances are that this list is twice as big.
And unfortunately , we know remembering has side effects.Each time you remember ,you not only remmember the person, but his/her deeds as well .The mind reminds, just how you were victimised, how you felt pain ,sorrow and we feel the pain as if it has just happened .Then we say it again . I will never forgive him.Dont talk about that guy.
Our enemy caused pain ONCE.But we RE-LIVE the pain a million times and giving oursleves pain a million times.By not forgiving , we our giving ourselves ,nill chance of forgetting past nightmares.
To forgive , helps the person who forgives more than the person being forgiven .By forgiving , we are giving us a chance of forgetting .
Besides everyone deserves a second chance (even me ).
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Ssh ...Dont tell anyone this !
You Know WHat ....this guy.. and thats all it takes to start a nice topic and it can go on for ages .Or my favourite statement "Dont tell anyone this ok , " .What a paradoxical phrase , The momment this statment is heard , you can be quite sure that there is a rumor waiting to spread like wild fire.
The wonderfull part of this is , it is almost always about someone elses personal life, most of whom they have never met or talked to .The society today in which we live ,craves to hear about people , especially if they are messed up in something .The sad part is ,if someone is not messed up ,there are magazines and newspapers ready to do it for them .
Any idea , why we dont gossip anything positive .Starting from school , when friends gossip saying"Hey , this guy smokes in the school" to college "this girl goes around with everyone"to office "This guy , he doesnt work ,but gets promtion because he is in the good books of the manager".The primary reason why these are being said , is not to insult the person , its for the person himself to feel good .The egos of a person always tries to compare itself to everything and everyone around it. He/she feels superior after putting down another person .The ego of the person feels big , when it makes the other person look small.Remember this before criticising :-No One is perfect is another way of saying everyone has flaws .
On a lighter note , there is an interesting phrase describing Gossip in Wikepedia "a person, mostly a woman, one who delights in idle talk." Interesting aint it?
The wonderfull part of this is , it is almost always about someone elses personal life, most of whom they have never met or talked to .The society today in which we live ,craves to hear about people , especially if they are messed up in something .The sad part is ,if someone is not messed up ,there are magazines and newspapers ready to do it for them .
Any idea , why we dont gossip anything positive .Starting from school , when friends gossip saying"Hey , this guy smokes in the school" to college "this girl goes around with everyone"to office "This guy , he doesnt work ,but gets promtion because he is in the good books of the manager".The primary reason why these are being said , is not to insult the person , its for the person himself to feel good .The egos of a person always tries to compare itself to everything and everyone around it. He/she feels superior after putting down another person .The ego of the person feels big , when it makes the other person look small.Remember this before criticising :-No One is perfect is another way of saying everyone has flaws .
On a lighter note , there is an interesting phrase describing Gossip in Wikepedia "a person, mostly a woman, one who delights in idle talk." Interesting aint it?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Ego and some of its forms
She has an ego because, she is beautiful. He has an ego because he is rich.Notice that the ego associates itself in these words to make the individual feel big about himself/herself.People get really wild and uncontrollable when they have an argument(at least I do this). It is because, the ego of these individuals is not able to take it when the other ego is suppressing it (remember ego ,likes to grow big). That's why if you see in most arguments there is never a winner , on second thoughts there is always a winner , the Ego.
There are some others who make fun of themselves and enjoy it .The actual intent in some of these people is to hurt themselves ,before others get a chance .A defence mechanism to protect the ego.Lets take physical appearance as a way in trying to understand this .Some people are not gifted in terms of height .They would say , if only i was more taller or fairer or thinner (list goes on) .What they expect is the friend to tell that they are wrong and he/she is actually tall enough or not that short.This way they avoid being mocked at and more importantly ,they give a chance for their ego to grow.Ego generally thrives in support and appreciation
The I, come to think of it is just another form of ego.The I always thinks its right and when someone opposes it or does not agree with it .It gets hurt and directs the individual to do something that will make himself/herself feel even bigger.
I have been hearing right from my childhood ,saying that middle class people are the people most likely to get more spiritual and religious or people with good moral values .This would make me feel privileged to an extent ,as I identified that I also fall into the same category .100s of reasons by family and friends saying that the poor people cant think of anything other than food and shelter ,planning for mere survival and the rich are easily corrupted by unwanted pleasures.This made sense to me and still makes to an extent . More and more I wonder , is it really true ? or is it because I,my friends and my family all identified ourselves to the middle class group ?I certainly havent heard any poor or rich person sharing the same sentiment.
There are some others who make fun of themselves and enjoy it .The actual intent in some of these people is to hurt themselves ,before others get a chance .A defence mechanism to protect the ego.Lets take physical appearance as a way in trying to understand this .Some people are not gifted in terms of height .They would say , if only i was more taller or fairer or thinner (list goes on) .What they expect is the friend to tell that they are wrong and he/she is actually tall enough or not that short.This way they avoid being mocked at and more importantly ,they give a chance for their ego to grow.Ego generally thrives in support and appreciation
The I, come to think of it is just another form of ego.The I always thinks its right and when someone opposes it or does not agree with it .It gets hurt and directs the individual to do something that will make himself/herself feel even bigger.
I have been hearing right from my childhood ,saying that middle class people are the people most likely to get more spiritual and religious or people with good moral values .This would make me feel privileged to an extent ,as I identified that I also fall into the same category .100s of reasons by family and friends saying that the poor people cant think of anything other than food and shelter ,planning for mere survival and the rich are easily corrupted by unwanted pleasures.This made sense to me and still makes to an extent . More and more I wonder , is it really true ? or is it because I,my friends and my family all identified ourselves to the middle class group ?I certainly havent heard any poor or rich person sharing the same sentiment.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The I,Me,Myself syndrome
We play different roles or should I say the I plays different roles.
The trouble starts when the I takes over you or blinds you totally.Some of you might say, whats wrong with that .It might look like something that isn't worth spending time to dwell upon.
This is perhaps the single largest reason for relationships to fail .Am not only talking about relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend(which we love discussing and arguing) .This includes parents and children or brothers and sisters ,it also affects the relationship between countries.
The I gets associated with the surrounding things so intimately that it fails to comprehend what they actually are .To make it more clear , lets take a child and a toy car he loves playing with.The boy is so passionate about his car , and if he looses the car he starts crying .The I in the boy has such profound relationship with the car ,that when the car is lost.It is as though a part of the I is lost .The pain in loosing the car , stays until the I disassociates itself from the car .This is no ways less in grown ups ,in fact it gets worse .At least children, if you give the same type of car again , they are content.
There are people(including me) who are sentimental about lots of things .My first mobile or my first bike or my first car .The I is so attached to this favourite object of ours .Even if the car is worth a lakh and we don't mind spending more than it , just to keep it running .Always dreading something might happen .We come across people who sometimes don't use a particular object,fearing that it would get dirty or old destroying the very purpose of the object.
You might think that this has got nothing to do with relationships.It has everything to do with it.
Lets take a husband -wife scenario.Trouble starts when one of them gets so intimately connected .The I in the husband gets so associated ,that he gets possessive .The decisions which the wife usually takes herself ,is also taken by the husband and the important thing about this is, more often than not, he does not realise this(by the way I just gave husband as an example , quite the opposite nowadays i guess) .One I starts imposing itself on the other I .It reaches a point where it is a tussle between the I 's of 2 persons resulting in a bad relation.
This holds true for parents sometimes. There are people who take mentor ship of their children very seriously , which is good.But sometimes they get so involved with it , that the I in them cannot cease to disassociate with the children .What this ends up is the mother or father starts taking decisions.This is done almost totally unconsciously.The I takes over and says , you are still my child and I know what is best for you.The I has a major part of itself in the child .When the parent tries to let go of the child ,he or she feels as if a part of the I is lost with the child .
Politicians have used and will continue to exploit this aspect of the I(they are not intelligent enough to be aware of it).They target a certain community , state or country .This includes right from the Kashmir issue to the Cauvery issue.When an issue is addressed to the community .The I's of every member of the community are involved collectively and this gives an opportunity for their I to associate something very big .They feel belonged to the group.As soon as anything (positive or negative) is told to the group .The I of the individuals gets affected correspondingly .This is taken advantage of some politicians for their own personal needs .In this case to get the support (votes) .In most cases ,the core issue is not addressed.People have politicised it to a level ,that the core issues have become secondary, and the hatred towards the other community has become the priority.
The I in us, so cleverly crept behind believing that it represents the community, is completely blind to the actual truth.Out of all of us who support India in the Kashmir issue , am pretty sure that there would be very few , who know the ground reality.We are in others words just possessive , even to the extent that we don't care what happens to the people of Kashmir.The thought of letting go Kashmir is more pain full that the though of its people suffering .We are totally unconscious of this because of the I.The very agenda is lost and all is left is hatred towards the other country.
The awareness of this during every action , decision making or thinking , brings about the disassociation of the I , making it a lot easier for us and the people around us (especially your loved ones).
The trouble starts when the I takes over you or blinds you totally.Some of you might say, whats wrong with that .It might look like something that isn't worth spending time to dwell upon.
This is perhaps the single largest reason for relationships to fail .Am not only talking about relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend(which we love discussing and arguing) .This includes parents and children or brothers and sisters ,it also affects the relationship between countries.
The I gets associated with the surrounding things so intimately that it fails to comprehend what they actually are .To make it more clear , lets take a child and a toy car he loves playing with.The boy is so passionate about his car , and if he looses the car he starts crying .The I in the boy has such profound relationship with the car ,that when the car is lost.It is as though a part of the I is lost .The pain in loosing the car , stays until the I disassociates itself from the car .This is no ways less in grown ups ,in fact it gets worse .At least children, if you give the same type of car again , they are content.
There are people(including me) who are sentimental about lots of things .My first mobile or my first bike or my first car .The I is so attached to this favourite object of ours .Even if the car is worth a lakh and we don't mind spending more than it , just to keep it running .Always dreading something might happen .We come across people who sometimes don't use a particular object,fearing that it would get dirty or old destroying the very purpose of the object.
You might think that this has got nothing to do with relationships.It has everything to do with it.
Lets take a husband -wife scenario.Trouble starts when one of them gets so intimately connected .The I in the husband gets so associated ,that he gets possessive .The decisions which the wife usually takes herself ,is also taken by the husband and the important thing about this is, more often than not, he does not realise this(by the way I just gave husband as an example , quite the opposite nowadays i guess) .One I starts imposing itself on the other I .It reaches a point where it is a tussle between the I 's of 2 persons resulting in a bad relation.
This holds true for parents sometimes. There are people who take mentor ship of their children very seriously , which is good.But sometimes they get so involved with it , that the I in them cannot cease to disassociate with the children .What this ends up is the mother or father starts taking decisions.This is done almost totally unconsciously.The I takes over and says , you are still my child and I know what is best for you.The I has a major part of itself in the child .When the parent tries to let go of the child ,he or she feels as if a part of the I is lost with the child .
Politicians have used and will continue to exploit this aspect of the I(they are not intelligent enough to be aware of it).They target a certain community , state or country .This includes right from the Kashmir issue to the Cauvery issue.When an issue is addressed to the community .The I's of every member of the community are involved collectively and this gives an opportunity for their I to associate something very big .They feel belonged to the group.As soon as anything (positive or negative) is told to the group .The I of the individuals gets affected correspondingly .This is taken advantage of some politicians for their own personal needs .In this case to get the support (votes) .In most cases ,the core issue is not addressed.People have politicised it to a level ,that the core issues have become secondary, and the hatred towards the other community has become the priority.
The I in us, so cleverly crept behind believing that it represents the community, is completely blind to the actual truth.Out of all of us who support India in the Kashmir issue , am pretty sure that there would be very few , who know the ground reality.We are in others words just possessive , even to the extent that we don't care what happens to the people of Kashmir.The thought of letting go Kashmir is more pain full that the though of its people suffering .We are totally unconscious of this because of the I.The very agenda is lost and all is left is hatred towards the other country.
The awareness of this during every action , decision making or thinking , brings about the disassociation of the I , making it a lot easier for us and the people around us (especially your loved ones).
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Do you KNOW who YOU are ?
Do you know who you really are ?
Let me put it in a different way.Imagine a stranger strolls to you.He then asks bluntly "What type of person are you?" .Assuming you don't take your moms advise and do talk to strangers!!People will go on "I am jovial,talkative or negative,introvert......" and the list goes on.
The answer is only partially true.I can see a few eyebrows raising already.
The letter I is often misunderstood as the actual you.You get up in the morning , get ready for college or office.Your moms makes you breakfast (the lucky ones) and she might give you a list of Do's and Dont's(the unlucky ones).During this time you are actually playing a daughter or a son.You get to work and then start chatting with your colleagues.Notice that the identity of I changing in you.When I mention identity it includes the thought process and the mental picture about yourself.
Works done , its time to catch up with some friends.You meet your friends and bingo there goes your change of identity.Again you go meet boyfriends or girlfriends(not sure whether to term it lucky or unlucky).A girl talks differently when she talks to a guy (glad am the one writing ) and completley different when she talks to girl .There is a shift in the mental picture or the I every time.The I associates itself with the environment around.The I is never constant.
We come across people everyday.When we ask the folks at home .They would say "My boy is so silent ".The boy's friends might have a totall disagreement and say don't let this guy start or he wont stop talking. Now is this boy acting differently ?You bet he is . The thing is he is acting but not consciously.The I in the boy changes his perception about himself .At home ,for some reason,the boy has an image of himself being silent .
People who know this can distance themself from this roleplay are mentally very efficient.
Lets start ,just to be aware of the I and its forms.
Let me put it in a different way.Imagine a stranger strolls to you.He then asks bluntly "What type of person are you?" .Assuming you don't take your moms advise and do talk to strangers!!People will go on "I am jovial,talkative or negative,introvert......" and the list goes on.
The answer is only partially true.I can see a few eyebrows raising already.
The letter I is often misunderstood as the actual you.You get up in the morning , get ready for college or office.Your moms makes you breakfast (the lucky ones) and she might give you a list of Do's and Dont's(the unlucky ones).During this time you are actually playing a daughter or a son.You get to work and then start chatting with your colleagues.Notice that the identity of I changing in you.When I mention identity it includes the thought process and the mental picture about yourself.
Works done , its time to catch up with some friends.You meet your friends and bingo there goes your change of identity.Again you go meet boyfriends or girlfriends(not sure whether to term it lucky or unlucky).A girl talks differently when she talks to a guy (glad am the one writing ) and completley different when she talks to girl .There is a shift in the mental picture or the I every time.The I associates itself with the environment around.The I is never constant.
We come across people everyday.When we ask the folks at home .They would say "My boy is so silent ".The boy's friends might have a totall disagreement and say don't let this guy start or he wont stop talking. Now is this boy acting differently ?You bet he is . The thing is he is acting but not consciously.The I in the boy changes his perception about himself .At home ,for some reason,the boy has an image of himself being silent .
People who know this can distance themself from this roleplay are mentally very efficient.
Lets start ,just to be aware of the I and its forms.
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